


The First Time I Saw...

by doctorcaslock



Series: A Human and His Angel [2]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, First Person, M/M, One Shot, Wings, but I might actually continue it, see how you guys like it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-23
Updated: 2013-07-24
Packaged: 2017-12-21 01:53:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,763
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/894408
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/doctorcaslock/pseuds/doctorcaslock
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean sees Castiel's wings for the first time. Angst, and it may turn into a multi-chapter fic</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

The first time I saw his wings, I didn't know what they were.

I have seen them before, but only as shadow. Cas never liked to talk about them. He said that some humans were able to see them, something about the developmental stages of the brain or something. Whatever.

We were running after Crowley, for the ump-teenth time. He kidnapped Kevin, again, for the umpteenth time. Sam and I split up, and out of no where I ran into Cas. He had that look in his eyes. The look that told me that he wasn't the innocent Cas who fucked up every social cue. He was Castiel, an angel of the Lord. Castiel, who was able to snap me in half with his pinky if he wanted to. His deep blue eyes had a glow to them. He told me to stay behind him as his silver blade fell through his sleeve into his hand. We walked through the countless halls of the office. We finally corner Crowley and Kevin in one of the back rooms. Kevin was all beat up- his left eye bruised and his lip cut. There was blood coming from above his hairline. He was being held by Crowley with a knife to his neck. Sammy soon joined us. We were both nervous, our hearts were racing, but Castiel still held that look, that expression that we could tell frightened Crowley. Castiel said nothing, but held out his hand. Blinding light eminated from his hand, and an explosion surrounded us.

I woke up, after I don't know how long. I slowly sat up and looked around. Dust obscured most of my vision, and rubble covered the ground. Above, the sun's rays fought to shine through the dust. It was then that I realised that Castiel caused an explosion and destroyed the small building we were in. I heard Sam groaning next to me as he struggled to his feet. I heard him call for Kevin, who eventually answered, but that was when my heart dropeed in my chest.

"Cas?" I don't remember what was happening around me. I just remember digging through the debris, searching frantically for my friend. There was also no sign of Crowley, I heard after the fact, but at the moment I cared little for everything else. I threw aside cement blocks, rocks and dust, but there was still no sign of the angel. behind me I heard Sam trying to tell me to stop, but that only made me dig more frantically.

I cleared a small area three feet in diameter on the spot where he was standing before the explosion but there was nothing there. Nothing except one black feather. I froze and stared at it for a long time. Sammy placed his hand on my shoulder, which I ignored, and told me there was nothing I could have done. He tried to pick me up, but I shook out of his grip. I felt a tear fall down my cheek as I slowly picked up the feather. I pictured the angel it was attatched to. I wondered how it would have been if we were able to see his wings. How big were they? How often would he move them? Would they get all fluffed up when he was angry? How would they feel to me, if I ran my fingers through the many feathers? Would he have liked it?

I finally let Sammy pull me off of the ground. I was still looking down at the feather. He pulled me away from the site, making sure the three of us were gone before anyone finds us. I let him. I let him seat me in the back seat of the impala, as he takes the driver's seat and Kevin the passenger. I let him drive the Impala. I let him and Kevin plan on what to do next. I let them glance in the rear view to see how I am doing. I don't change my position: back straight and looking out the window, twirling the black feather in my hand.

We finally got back to our base. Without a word, I got out of the car and walked inside, Sammy and Kevin behind me. Once we got inside the main library, I dropped the feather to the ground. In the middle of the room, a body was lying on the floor, the room littered with black feathers. I almost slipped on two or three, but I finally managed to drop next to the body. I couldn't see much of Castiel because a collection of black feathers covered him. I tried to wipe them away, but they wouldn't move. It took my mind a moment to realize that these feathers didn't randomly appear. Sammy and Keven ran to my side, but they didn't attempt to help me with Cas. I am glad they did, I was to overwhelmed with emotions that I wouldn't be surprised if I lashed out at them. 

Cas was laying on his side, and the wings were sticking out at awkward angles. One was sticking straight out behind him, and the other one was bent forward to cover his face. I delicately took hold of the wing covering him and slowly folded it back, revealing the angel underneath. The wings were disheveled and dirty, but they still had a shine that was the most magnificent. I let the wing gently fall behind Cas and moved so that I could feel his face. His growing beard felt prickly in my palm. His face looked serene. I gently move my hand from his cheek into his hair and behind his head. I whisper his name. A tear falls from my eye. Soon I saw a twitch in his eyes, a sharp intake of breath, and his heavy wings moved so that to top one smacked me in the head.

It was heavier than I thought.

Castiel easily moved onto his back. I would think that the wings would make it a little bit difficult, but I wasn't surprised to see Cas move them with ease. I helped him sit up, but I kept my eyes on the wings behind them. He shifted the wings behind him, making them more comfortable as he folded them tight against his back. I realized that Cas did not know that I could see them.

Cas stared at the ground in front of him, trying, probably, to put everything together. He looked up, at me. I saw those blue eyes again, and I let out a breath. Minutes ago I thought I would never see them again.

"Did we save him?" We, as if Sammy and I had any hand in saving Kevin at all.

I nodded, finally looking up to Sammy and Kevin who were watching us. Cas looked at Kevin and gave a slight nod, and then he collapsed into my arms, unconscious.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel's POV

The first time I opened my eyes after the explosion, I saw a pair of green eyes.

Green eyes that were overflowing with emotions: relief, worry, concern. It took me a minute to realize to whom they belonged, but I figured it out. The eyes gave me the energy to verify that the prophet has been saved, but after that I gave in to the temporary darkness. When I was awake, Dean kept looking behind me, as if something was there, but I was too weak to care.

When I woke up the second time, I was in a bed. I was alone in the room, and for that I was grateful. I slowly sat up in the bed and looked to the side table, where a cup of water and two pain pills sat. I smiled to myself- I am an angel. My head is already clear, and I didn't need the pills. I drank the water however, just to humor the humans waiting for me in the other room. I sat on the side of the bed and stretched my wings to their full length. Unlike my human vessel, my wings need to be groomed. I sighed at the mess the feathers were in. Cakes of dirt were lodged at the roots, and the feathers themselves were stragley. 

Cleaning my wings is not a difficult task; for the most part, water is not needed. I would clean one wing at a time. Not having a dominant hand, it does not matter which side I clean first. I start at the base of my wing, at my shoulder blades. This is where most of the dirt collects, because it is close to my body, there are more spaces between the feathers where dirt can collect. I gently run my fingers through the soft plumage, and dust and pebbles fall onto the floor. I continue to do this until I make it to the tips, cleaning out the largest feathers at the end. I am finished with my left wing before there was a knock at the door.

I lower my arms. The humans cannot see my wings. I remember this most of the time, but there are moments where I absentmindedly fiddle with my feathers in my hands and the Winchesters look at me with puzzled looks. Dean cracked open the door.

"Cas? Are you decent?"

"Yes Dean." I kept my wings out. Lying on them for a period of time can strain their muscles. 

Dean paused at the door. Actually, he was taken back. I looked at him, a question on my lips. He took a deep breath and walked in. He was going to sit on the bed next to me, but his hesitation prevented him. I cocked my head to the side, confused over his actions. "Dean, what's wrong?"

Instead of answering, he just looked up at something behind me. I followed his gaze, moving my wing over to look behind me, but there wasn't anything there. When I looked at Dean the second time, he looked behind me, but towards the other side, right where my wings were..

"Dean? Can you..?"

"They're beautiful." he simply said. I didn't say anything to that. I was shocked. He could see my wings. I didn't know why, or how, but the fact was there.

Dean Winchester was able to see my wings.

He looked at them with wonder. Amazement. His green eyes were wide open, and his jaw was dropped. His mouth slowly formed a smile. He licked his lips before finally meeting my eyes, but his smile disappeared. I didn't know what my facial expression was, but Dean backed away from me and looked down.

"I'm sorry," he said, looking everywhere except in my direction. Red began to form on his cheeks. I realized that he was almost embarassed to see my wings.

"Dean," I said, almost with a laugh. I stood up and walked towards him. He still looked at the ground, but I gently tilted his chin up so he looked at me once more. I unfolded my wings again and stretched them around us. "It's okay."

Dean got out of my grasp and looked around, looking at the still dirty wings. That small smile came back to his face, and I felt my own lips twitch upward. "Can I-" he began, cheeks growing red again, "Can I touch them?"

I coughed out a laugh, "They're dirty. I would rather clean them before you felt them."

Dean looked at the wing I have not yet cleaned. He sees the clumps of dirt and I begin to feel my neck turn red. All of a sudden he raised his arm and gently pressed his hand against the base of my wing. I grew tense at the sudden touch; no one has never touched my wings before, and I never knew how sensitive they can be, but at the same time it felt... nice. I realised I closed my eyes while Dean ran his fingers through the short feathers. I stretched out my wing a bit, like a parrot yearning for more attention. I figured Dean made the same connection, for he chucked and I felt his other hand feel my larger feathers. I heard the sound of the dirt hitting the ground, and I realized that Dean was cleaning my wing for me.

I snap my eyes open and moved my wing back out of Dean's reach. I folded them tight against my back.

"What? Did I do something wrong?" Dean asked. He was breathing heavy, worried that he did something wrong. 

"Not exactly," I started. It was my turn to look at the ground, anywhere but Dean. I fely my face heat up again. "It's just," I struggled to find the right words, but there was no real safe way to say it, "Angels only let other clean their wings when," I pause again, daring to glance up at Dean, who waited for me to finish, "when they are in an intimiate relationship with that person."

If Dean's eyes weren't fully open before, they were now. "Oh," was the only word he let out of his mouth. He licked his lips again, and shifted his weight uncomfortably while I stood still watching him. We were both embarassed. "Sorry, I... I didn't know," he finally said, not looking at me. "I'll uh, let you finish, and you can join us out in the other room, okay?"

We made eye contacted for a second, and then he quickly left the room.

There was no other choice for me to do than to sigh and sit back on the bed and to finish cleaning my wing. However now I thought about how I wanted them to look nice for Dean.


	3. Chapter 3

Sam and Kevin were discussing on what to do next in the den, but I leaned on the counter in the kitchen, staring ahead. I thought about what Cas said in the bedroom, about angels cleaning each other's wings. The thought never entered my mind, thinking that it was some intimate gesture.

It does make sense though. The way he almost shut down as I ran my fingers thrugh the feathers, scratching out the dirt collected against the skin, it was surreal. 

I didn't mention the wings to Sam and Kevin, though I was a bit surprised that they showed no reaction to seeing them.

"... But what happens if he does find this place?"

"Kevin he won't. This place has been here for.. how long? There are so many sigils etched into the founation of this building. The Men of Letters knew what they were doing- Oh hey Cas."

My head snapped up to the sound of the name. I couldn't see him from my position, but, again, I saw no shock in Sam or Kevin when they greeted him. I took a deep breath and with a tight grip around my beer, I walked into the den.

When I saw him, the cold bottle almost slipped from my grip. The light in the Bunker is pathetic to say the least, but when they reflected off of Cas' feathers, it was like we had our personal sun. They were shining as they twitched on his back, and he finally turned and saw me staring. It was at that moment when I realized that I was staring, and with a swallow, I averted my eyes to the floor and turned around. 

"Shit," I muttered to myself, and took an extra long swing of my beer.

After mentally preparing myself, I finally walked into the den where everyone else was.

"Good to see you up and around Cas," Sam was saying.

Kevin nodded in agreement, "Yea, thanks for saving me, well, again. We were worried."

Cas glanced in my direction, and it may have been the light, but I though I saw the sides of his mouth twitch upward. "I am fine, but I appreciate your concern."

I looked at his wings again, and slowly they opened up. I realized that he knew I was looking and he was letting me get a better look.

Cocky Bastard.

"Dean?"

At the sound of my name, Cas immediately folds his wings tight against the back, as well as bringing me back to reality. I look to Kevin, "What?"

Kevin blinked a couple of times and glanced at Cas. "What are you looking at?"

"Uhm," Castiel gave me a warning look, but it was too late. "You don't see them?" I asked, pointing to Castiel.

Castiel looked down, Kevin looked to Cas to see what I was talking about, and Sam stared at me. "Dean, what-?"

"Dean can see my wings," Cas said, still looking at the ground, "I didn't want him to say, as it is not important, but it was my mistake to not warn him."

No one said anything to this. I was a bit annoyed; how should I have known that he didn't want me to tell?

"When did you start seeing them Dean?" Sam asked. I was confused with the smirk on his face, like he  _knew_ something, but I ignored it as I told him that I began to see them after the explosion.

At this Sam chuckled. "Obvious isn't it?" He asked. We all looked at him blankly. "It's your bond," he began, as if it was the answer to 2+2. "But it goes deeper. When Cas dragged you out of hell, your soul conected to his grace. It took the you truely believing that he was gone that made the bind stronger, thus giving you the ability to see his wings."

It made sense. I really thought Cas was gone, but then again there were plenty of times where I thought I would never see him again, and him for me. If what Sam said was true, why now? I didn't think it was the whole explanation, but I did not want to get into it now, so I only said, "Well once you say it like that it sounds simple."

I looked back to Castiel, and he had a face that told me he didn't think Sam was 100% correct either, but, again, he said nothing. Instead, he fixes his wings against his back. As I watched, I heard Sam chuckle again. I didn't look at him when I flipped him the bird.

* * *

"Dean?"

I was in the shooting range cleaning our guns. It was late, and I couldn't sleep. I looked up to see Cas in the doorway. "Hey Cas," I said.

He took my greeting as permission to enter the shooting range, and I put the gun down on the table to give him my full attention. He seemed nervous. Ever since Sam and Kevin found out that I can see his wings, Cas has become more self-conscious, and kept them folded and close against his back. Even, now, the left wing was only extended enough for him to fiddle with one of his long black feathers in his hand.

"What's wrong Cas?" At this he looked up. I tried to look him in the eyes, but he wouldn't look back. He kept opening his mouth to say something, but would close it. Eventually I grabbed his shoulders and angled my face so that we finally looke eye to eye. "Cas, buddy, what is it?"

I stared into his blue eyes. They were filled with worry and uncertainty. At this I began to worry as well. "Dean," he tried again. He took a deep breath and squared his shoulders. He folded his wing back behind him, gave them a quick stretch and said, "Dean, Sam is wrong. Well, not entirely wrong, but he is not entirely right either."

"Well, yea I figured that too but, why are you acting like this?"

As if answering me, Castiel stretched his wings into a fantastic display. Feathers smooth and inviting, they extend to either side of him, easily filling the small part of the shooting range we were in. My eyes open wide and I felt all of the problems easily slip away. Every tense muscle in my body felt loose and relaxed, and I felt myself reaching out to feel them. I was snapped out of the trance when Cas snapped his wings away from me. 

I looked at his face, and he wore a pained expression. I began to feel aweful, but he relaxed and actually let out a laugh. He didn't say anything, just raised his hand to cup my cheek. I surprised myself by leaning into it. "Sam was correct that our bond grew stronger after the explosion," he paused, and gently wiped my cheek with his thumb, "but the bond goes deeper than what Sam thinks."

It took a moment for me to make the connection, and when I did, I took a step back, "Deeper? Like, like what you said before? Like when I was cleaning you wings deeper?" He smile disappeared, but he nodded. "I believe so," he said.

"So what, your wings work as some sort of mating ritual?" he looked offended once I said that.

"Mating ritual? I am not an animal Dean." I laughed at his response. "Sorry Cas," but after i said that we locked eyes once more. He was the first to avert his eyes, and I can see he face turning red, despite him being an angel and all. He glanced up at me a couple of times, "Is this okay with you Dean?"

He tried to hide his wings now, self-conscious under my stare. I didn't say anything. Instead, I moved forward. I took his wings one at a time and stretched them out to their maximum length. I ran my hands through both of them, with Cas watching me the whole time. Finally I focused on Cas' face. His eyes the bluest blue and wide. I gently pressed my hands on either side of his face and leaned forward.

His lips were surprisingly chapped for an angel. They grew tense when we made contact, out of surprised, but once he knew what was happening he relaxed. His hands pressed on my waist, and he pushed forward ever so slightly. My eyes were closed, but I could hear the rustle of feathers as he moved them to surround us, and it felt like we were the last remaining beings on earth. It felt like eternity, but soon we pulled back at the same time. We rested against our foreheads and I opened my eyes. The only color I saw was blue.

"I think I can live with this."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so bad at writing kisses, I never write them in! Well that's it for this little thing. Hope you like!


End file.
